After serving 3.5 years in the Stake Primary Presidency, I was released right after we finished our 4th Stake Day Camp (my least favorite part of our responsibilities). The part of my calling I enjoyed most was overseeing Primary music and training the new music leaders and giving them resources to enhance the experience for the children in each ward. Some were more receptive to my help than others, but it was fun for me to be involved. I subbed for Singing Time quite a bit over those years in several wards, especially in one ward in my building. Thus it was a very Sunday-busy calling, which was tough when that overlapped with Matt's 2.5 years in the bishopric.
As I was released, I was extended the call to be a day-time stake adult religion education teacher. I have attended the class in the past but wasn't currently attending due to concern of some things being taught by one teacher in "gray" areas of Church history and a handful of ladies that seemed to relish those discussions. I was nervous to come in as a teacher but tried to have a positive attitude. My partner is a friend from a past ward whom I have always seen as stalwart in her testimony of Jesus Christ. She has never attended the class. We had many discussions together prior to starting and had a meeting with a stake presidency member about some concerns and to hear his counsel: focus each lesson on Jesus Christ and love each individual.
To say there were some ladies that weren't happy with the change (two new teachers who weren't attending the class) is an understatement. My first lesson from Saints 4 was on the centennial celebration of BYU. I felt like I structured the lesson on a train pointed towards the Savior with a discussion about how following the honor code helps to create disciples of Christ. I came prepared with quotes and support of concerns that might be brought up, but I was NOT prepared for the conclusions that were drawn about the honor code. It felt like some women picked up the train, took it off the tracks, and then pointed it in the opposite direction. A main conclusion is that the honor code actually creates liars. People sign their name to obey the honor code in order to get a cheaper education. One woman came with ammunition of examples of how the honor code doesn't protect the students such as two girls who went to a party, participated in the drinking, and then one got raped. She couldn't report the raping because then she'd have to report the drinking which would mean getting kicked out of the school. Apparently students will "ward shop" to find a bishop who will be willing to write them an ecclesiastical endorsement. The environment is not good at BYU anymore and the light has gone out. At a loss of what to do, I finally sat down feeling like I had lost control of the discussion and didn't know how to get it back. The discussion took almost my whole time. My partner tried to help turn the conversation around saying that the solution seems to be that we need to educate parents not to pressure their children to attend BYU if they are not willing to abide by the honor code. When I finally moved onto the rest of my lesson about some faithful African American Saints who chose to join the church despite not being able to have the Church established in their area, I struggled to feel the Spirit and had difficulty bearing my testimony at the end. At the end of class, my co-teacher and I had a long discussion together about how the class went outside by our cars. Then I proceeded to call Matt and my mom where I broke down into tears as I recounted the events of class. I wanted to quit. I strive to fill my life with light, and I couldn't feel the Spirit during that class discussion.
Because of how my lesson went, my co-teacher took her topic of 1978 lifting of the Priesthood ban the next week and invited very little discussion. She had beautiful thoughts from African American Saints and how they reconcile their faith today with the Priesthood ban.
It's been a very challenging calling for me, also because I don't love history, but I'm grateful for the deeper friendship I have now with my co-teacher.
