Tough Transition

We've all been adjusting to having Caleb go to school now.  Any other mother I've talked to with a new kindergartener has said how much their child is loving school and made the transition really well. Unfortunately, Caleb is having a really tough time, and I decided to record it for journaling purposes.  (I'm in the process of turning my blog into a book right now by year so that I have a hard copy of this online journal.)  This post is going to be long, so bear with me.

Two weeks in, and I've tried to be really patient about everything.  It can only get better right?  My biggest gripe about the schools here is all day Kindergarten.  I've been dreading Caleb starting school specifically for this reason because I don't agree with it.  I personally think all day school every day is too much for a 5-year-old.  I can't help but have frustrations towards this recent change (I believe 2007) to accommodate the working mom's schedule because it may be meeting the needs of other parents, but it is not meeting the needs of my child.  I am so jealous of all the out-of-state moms I've talked to whose kid only has to go half day.  Be so grateful!!!  I also have heard of some friends whose child goes every T/Th and every other Friday (while the other half goes M/W and every other Friday) or another friend sends their child to half day for the first semester, then transitions to full day Kindergarten for the second semester.  All those options sound fabulous!!

Caleb is a child who has not needed sleep to be happy as other kids seem to, so he doesn't come home tired or cranky each day.  Most every day he has come home in a good mood, excited to be home.  We've established the routine of doing something fun for the first 45 minutes when he gets home (play soccer outside, play a game inside, etc.), then it's time to do homework (15 min.), practice reading (15 min.), and then do a piano lesson (about 20 min.).  After that, it's dinner time, and too soon for Caleb, it's time to start getting ready for bed.  In his mind, there is not enough time in the day for anything fun, and he's right.  We can't go to the zoo anymore or to Pump it Up or any of the other fun activities we did every day up until now.  As the bedtime process starts, so does the complaining.  Caleb doesn't whine much through the complaining, but constantly asks, "Why does school have to be so long?"  Or I hear: "Why do I have to go to school every day?"  "I don't want to go to school tomorrow.  Can't I just stay home?"

I've been trying to do little "extra" things to brighten his days.  I'll make his favorite treats to put in his lunch (he loves banana bread).  I always have a note in his lunch box saying 'Mommy and Daddy love you.'  Matt will go into work 20 minutes later two mornings a week in order to walk Caleb to the bus stop, which Caleb loves (which Matt also does to let me get my weekday running in). We talk about the fun things we're going to do on Saturday or a movie we're going to rent for Friday night.  But going to school day in and day out has been really tough on him because it's so long. It tears at my heartstrings because he really tried hard for about the first 6 days or so to have a positive attitude and to buck up because this is what all the kids have to do.  Now his attitude is turning sour pretty quickly.

As each day passed, slowly we could get information out of Caleb of why he doesn't like going to school.  I was upset the first 3 days of school because there was no recess plus no running around in P.E., according to Caleb.  He said they practiced saying "1, 2, Eyes on You" and talking about the rules.  So the first three days of school my son got no time to run around and play and be a kid!!  After hearing that, I really started focusing on doing some physical activity every day when he got home from school.  Caleb has yet to go out to recess...I understand that schools have to be very cautious about playing outside in the heat (although I've been doing it with Caleb every day when he gets home from school, and we just know that we're going to come in sweaty and need some water when we're done).  But I know how much kids need that outside time to play as they want.  When I taught preschool, it made a MAJOR difference on the way the day went if we couldn't go outside because it was raining.  Kids need that time to play make-believe or just to run around and get energy out.  If I was concerned about the weather being too hot, I cut recess time in half and we all had cold water afterwards.  I was even more upset to learn that the three other schools close by have all gone out to recess at least a few times.  Grrr.  Instead of going out to recess each day, they've been watching "Word Girl."  Caleb was really embarrassed to tell me about it after the first few days when I asked what they did instead of recess because this was a show that I didn't allow him to watch at home.  I actually haven't taken the time to sit down and watch this show, but I also haven't taken the time to watch 'Sponge Bob' and yet I know that's a show I don't want my children watching.  I'm sure the show is fine, apparently it teaches vocabulary, but any glimpses I've seen of it, I just didn't like the cartoon-ish vibe of the show with the flying monkey.  Bottom line, there were better things we could be doing with our time.

Caleb admitted just a few days ago that he really doesn't like riding the bus.  It's something I have been concerned about as a parent because the commute time both ways adds that much more time that he's away from home. He gets picked up 45 minutes before school starts to allow for the kids that need it to get to school in time for breakfast.  He gets dropped off 30 minutes after school ends.  Matt and I asked why he doesn't like riding the bus anymore--at first he was ecstatic and loved it.  He says that the bus driver just yells the whole time to sit down and be quiet.  We talked through how buses don't have seat belts and that it is very dangerous if kids are standing up, and the bus driver might need to yell so the kids in the very back of the bus can hear him.  But I could also see it from Caleb's eyes as a small boy being terrified of an adult yelling constantly.  Along these lines, there are so many rules to remember and follow about school that I'm sure it's overwhelming at first.  Caleb is such a perfectionist and wants so hard to please adults that I'm sure he gets stressed out about it all.  Anyway, I decided that's a change we're going to try out this week to see if it helps; I'm going to drive Caleb to and from school every day.  (Again, I wish we lived close enough to walk to school!!)  That will allow more time in the morning to be home and hopefully we'll get home faster than the bus as far as picking him up from school.  We'll see if this helps...

The other day Caleb and I were sitting down working on his homework assignment of drawing a picture of his teacher and filling in the blank: "My teacher is ________."  He drew a picture of his teacher just fine, but struggled to come up with an adjective to describe her.  I threw out several possibilities: nice, kind, smart, happy, etc.  He turned down each of these, so I started to throw out more neutral adjectives: short, tall, funny, etc.  We were getting no where, and I started to get a little frustrated that he wouldn't just pick one so we could be done with his homework!  After several more minutes of back-and-forth, he finally told me the adjective he wanted to write down: bad.  Uh, red flag.  We spent the next several minutes talking about why he wanted to write that word down and how that word might hurt his teacher's feelings.  He wouldn't open up to me or Matt later on about why he wanted to write that word.  Caleb and I finally compromised on the word sad.

There have been a few other things that have bothered me about the school in general that I won't get into, but I'm still fuming about one thing in particular.  After going through the online process of getting approved to be a volunteer, I wrote to the teacher expressing my excitement to volunteer in Caleb's classroom.  She had mentioned at Parent Night that she would love to have volunteers to help cut things out for class, if parents were willing.  I wrote to the teacher after the first week of school explaining that I would love to do more than just cutting.  I explained my background: a degree in Elementary education, taught for 2 1/2 years, gave up teaching to stay home and raise a family once I had Caleb.  I explained that I missed teaching quite a bit which is why I have used tutoring and teaching preschool these last two years as a way to fill this desire to teach.  My goal in volunteering was to be in the classroom helping with pull-out groups in math or reading or anything along those lines.  As a teacher of 22 children of varying levels of learning and having been in those shoes before, I knew that a parent volunteering with my background would be a great asset.  But my assumption was incorrect.  Because the school Caleb attends is a Title I school, the school can afford to hire paraprofessionals for just this purpose, to go in and assist in the classroom.  Caleb's teacher told me she doesn't have any need for me in the classroom, but really only has a need for me to help cut things out or make copies.  She specifically mentioned that on the days I do come in to help with these needs, that I could pick one of two workrooms to work in.

I was equally shocked and crushed.  I don't mind helping in any way that she needs, but with the concerns I have about Caleb right now, I really wanted to be in the classroom.  In answer to Caleb's constant complaining, I mistakenly mentioned that Caleb would start seeing me in his classroom once a week helping his teacher.  He was so excited about having me there and asked every day since when I would be coming in.  His teacher just told me her volunteering "needs" this past Friday, and now I have to break the news to Caleb still.

Since I have a masters degree in Library Science, the other avenue I was hoping for was to volunteer in the library once a week and possibly coordinate it with the day that Caleb goes to the library.  That desire was crushed as well when I was told that the librarian was on maternity leave, and I wouldn't be able to come in until she gets back in November.  Of course I'll be having a baby in November and was planning on taking a few months off from volunteering.  So I wouldn't be able to start helping in the library until January.

I'm trying to be patient and to wait things out.  (The idea of home-schooling has crossed my mind a few times though.)  Caleb will adjust to this new schedule eventually and hopefully the complaining will stop as well as the feelings of not liking school.  I'm trying to not be so dramatic about his experience so far.  Really things are okay, and it's not the end of the world that we've had a rough start.  But as any mother knows, it's so hard to not be over-protective of your child or to be concerned when you perceive things aren't going well.

My feelings about the experience thus far are only magnified with the fact that we didn't intend on Caleb ever attending this school.  When we moved into our house, we knew it would be a starter home and that we would only be in it for about 5 years.  We've been looking at houses the last year trying to decide on the best area to move and factoring in Matt's commute to work each day.  After much searching and prayer, we found and purchased a home where everything seemed to work out just right with the timing and the deal we found.  The catch (and the reason I haven't posted about it yet) is that we can't move into it for another 6 months.  It is a model home in a neighborhood nearby, which very much appealed to me because it's already decorated/painted before you move in!  (Let's just say that decorating a home all cute is not one of my talents.)  Plus model homes always have a few extra perks.  The circumstances are that we can't move in until they are completely finished selling homes in that area; the good news is there are only two more lots to sell and build!  In the mean time, the builder is paying us rent each month at a good rate, plus taxes while they are still there.  Since we bought the home before school started, we thought things would work out perfectly with Caleb starting school in that neighborhood.  I did NOT want to transfer him mid-year.  Long story short, because we didn't have an exact date of when we would be in the home, Caleb couldn't attend school there.  (Believe me that we fought this hard, but you can't win everything.)

So my prayer, as of now, is that the last two lots sell quickly so we can start transferring Caleb to this new school, where he's guaranteed to have at least a few friends from church in his class since a LOT of members live in this neighborhood.  Right now he has no friends from church in his class, which I guess is a good experience for Caleb in learning to make friends.  Plus in the new home, we'll be close enough to walk to school together everyday!  I'm holding out that things will get better at his current school, but I'm not as nervous about transferring mid-year as I was initially.  (The new school is also not a Title I school and hopefully will be excited to have me volunteer and help in the classroom!!)

Now that I've announced about our new house, I'll post some pictures next time!  We're so excited about it!!!  (And hats off to you if you actually read this entire post!)