Month 9: Love to my Children

For the 9th month of my Happiness Project, I focused on filling my boy's love tanks. I read The Five Love Languages of Children to determine the way they receive love best. This was a no-brainer for Caleb. His primary love language is quality time. Anytime grandparents are over, he frequently asks for them to play a game with him. He thrives on Matt's or my undivided attention. Caleb goes through phases of games that he obsesses over. Over the last year, his obsessions (which last 1-2 months) have included in order: Chutes and Ladders, Candy Land, Uno, Parcheesi, Trouble, a Dr. Seuss matching game, Sorry card game, Farkle, and Ticket to Ride (his current obession). His Aunt Lindsey taught him how to play Ticket to Ride, and with some guidance at figuring out his route, he is able to play independently. This last month where I really focused on giving him all my extra time, I definitely have played more Ticket to Ride this month than in my entire life! The most games we played in one day was 4.

 Carter took this picture for us.

Daddy playing Farkle with Caleb about a month ago.

(My family called the game Farkle by a different name growing up: Zilch. Matt and I argued for several years which is the appropriate name of the game. He finally bought me the game for Christmas one year as more of a prank gift since he won this battle.)

In order to meet Caleb's love language, it basically meant turning off technology, in reference to Sister Wixom's latest General Conference talk. I stopped watching any TV (except for So You Think You Can Dance, my all time favorite TV show) and was on the internet a lot less (I still kept on top of emails every day after Caleb went to bed).

A fishing trip with Daddy

This is Caleb's second-largest fish he's ever caught. It's hard to tell in this picture because the fish wouldn't cooperate and hold still. :o)

Random picture of Caleb. He's been really working hard on being able to do a head stand.

2 other love languages that I discovered are really important to Caleb (as with most children) include physical touch and words of affirmation. Physical touch is an important one for him. I have pictures of him all growing up falling asleep literally right next to Matt or on top of him. He's always loved to snuggle and still does. The security of that physical closeness provides a needed assurance of our love and protection. I've also noticed over the years that I have to be very careful how I say things to Caleb. He can get discouraged easily and be extra-sensitive.

I wasn't able to determine Carter's love language after reading the book--the book says that it's difficult to determine under the age of 5--so I just focused on doing all of them for Carter: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch. Specifically, I really focused on saying positive things to Carter. Because I was really concentrating on him this month, I had the realization that a lot of things that come out of my mouth towards him are negative. How horrible is that?!? Carter is perhaps a typical boy, but more so than Caleb ever did, he makes messes all day long! I feel like I get something cleaned up while he's making a mess somewhere else in the house. He keeps me busy for sure. I found myself making comments like, "Ugh. Carter I just cleaned that up!" or "I asked you to eat your popsicle at the table. Now there are popsicle drips everywhere!" "Stop doing that to the baby!" etc. etc. Once I had this "ah ha" moment that a lot of what I say to Carter is negative, that became my focus for the month.  I concentrated on being more patient and forgiving for his messes that cause me extra work. He's just being a kid! And I focused on only saying positive things including how much I love him. He is such a sweet and funny boy that has Matt, Caleb and I laughing at all the funny things he says!

Carter taking a silly picture

Bryson's love language is definitely physical touch and quality time :o). He has started feeling separation anxiety if I am not in his sight. If I leave the room for one second, he starts whining. If I'm in his sight and not holding him, he starts whining. If anyone holds out their hands to see if he'll come to him/her (including Matt), he will lean that way, then quickly go back to Mama. He's a little obsessed with Mommy right now.

Bryson loves his new bouncer/exer-saucer!

Also as part of this love-toward-my-children month, I took the Orange Rhino 30 day challenge of not yelling. Not raising my voice is something I've been working on for the last several months, so this aspect of my monthly goal was not too difficult. I even had my boys help me out. Whenever they sensed that I was getting angry, they would call out, "Orange Rhino!" as a reminder to keep my temper in check.

Making banana bread at the beginning of the month. (Carter's in bad need of a hair cut in this picture!)

Because of all the time I spent playing games with Caleb, this is my first month since I started my Happiness Project that I didn't complete my 200 names of indexing. :o(

My goal to increase my happiness for month 10 is a spiritual goal to spend more time reading my scriptures. I'm going to read the Book of Mormon in a month, which requires approximately 8 chapters a day. I'm on track right now; any time I would normally spend reading a book for fun, I've now replaced with reading my scriptures, which I consider a worthy replacement.